In the midst of a divorce, it's hard for anyone in the family to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything changes, including the family dynamics, how members view each other and how they view the future. Counseling can guide you out of the unfortunate ending of divorce to a new beginning where everyone feels a little stronger, a little wiser, and a lot more capable of facing the sometimes uncertain future.

1. Help The Family Recognize The Goodness In Everyone

Especially if infidelity or alcoholism was the cause of the divorce, it's hard to recognize the goodness of all family members during and after divorce. One person may be singled out for blame, creating negativity and resentment. Counseling can help each member put things in perspective, forgive, and learn to move on.

2. Establish A Respectful Way Of Talking (No Matter Who Is Or Isn't Around)

The family, as a unit, will not be functional if people don't respect each other. That includes what's said about other members when they're not present. Family therapy helps establish respect so that people support and encourage each other rather than cutting them down.

3. Create A Focus On Family And Individual Goals

As hard as it is to see during the divorce, the family will have goals again. Children will want to win sports challenges, go to proms, and get first cars, and parents will want to advance their careers, achieve financial goals, and perhaps even date again. It's hard to see these goals or even believe they can be reached while it feels like everything is falling apart; however, talking about the past and present assists everyone in working toward the future.

4. Guide Children In One-On-One Counseling

Divorce can be lasting and traumatic for children, even if the parents can't see it at the time. A family therapist can work one-on-one, with a child to determine the extent of the damage and start to heal it. Often, children of divorce suffer complications throughout life as a result of what they witnessed and experienced. 

5. Build A Lasting And Effective Two-Parent System

Following the separation, both parents still need to act as guides, confidants, and disciplinarians, but that's hard to do if they don't play on the same team. Once they find a way to put their own differences (and hurt) aside, though, they can put the family first, working together to raise the children in the most productive and caring ways.

While divorce is an unfortunate ending, it leaves a way to a new beginning, and this should hold true for everyone in the family. Whether you continue counseling as a group or individuals, keep going until everyone sees the light at the end of the tunnel and feels that the future is something they can not only handle but look forward to.

Reach out to the professionals at a place like Andrea Brandt Therapy for more information. 

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