Marriage is hard. People change as they get older. Lives get more complicated with mortgages, bills, and children. Sometimes, relationships suffer in the face of all of this stress. In order to avoid a divorce, it is absolutely critical that you get help as soon as possible. There are three main warning signs that your marriage might be in trouble.

1. Your Friends Worry

Inevitably, people who spend a great deal of time together have friend groups that overlap. As a result, many of the people that you are friends with know both you and your spouse and will often hang out with both of you together. When they are hanging out with both of you at the same time, your friends will be able to look at how you interact with one another. If your friends see something that worries them, such as the fact that you and your spouse snipe at each other over small things or simply ignore each other, they will be sure to tell you because they care about you. If your friends are worried, you should listen to them because they have an outside view of the situation. This outside view might give them more perspective than you have.

2. You Constantly Bring Up the Past in Your Fights

One of the main rules of arguing constructively is to keep your arguments with your spouse in the present. This is because bringing up the past means bringing up problems that truly cannot be solved and are only still problems because you hold a grudge. If you are holding a grudge against your spouse or are keeping tally of his or her indiscretions compared to your own indiscretions, then you are in a competition where everyone loses. Both of you will end up resentful if you keep bringing up the past in fights and nothing in the present will ever be solved.

3. One of You is Withdrawn

Being withdrawn doesn't necessarily mean the full silent treatment. Sometimes it means that you and your spouse don't communicate. One or both of you will simply respond to all questions with one word answers or take a long time in between responses. If you notice that you are not able to communicate, whether or not it's you that is doing the withdrawing, make sure that you get help right away.

If you see any of these signs, be sure to contact a Christian marriage guidance counselor.

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